Пряхин Андрей Александрович : другие произведения.

Pauline`s Recital Стихотворный вечер Мадам Полины

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Школа кожевенного мастерства: сумки, ремни своими руками
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  • Аннотация:
    Irony, satire and humour are main features of Pauline Sibagatullina`s witty poetry. Pauline is as well a permanent member of the theatrical company `Comedy Woman` (Moscow). One time her dramatic character in the company was Madame Pauline, the Russian nwriting Yugoslavia (Bosnian) poetess and high society lioness and lady wino from St. Petersburg.
  PAULINE`S RECITAL
  (The Comedy Woman theatrical company`s sketch)
  
  Avoid of calling me a poet, don't be formal,
  As it may be bombastic and too rife!
  It would be fine with me, exact and loyal
  If you`d call me the goddess of the rhymes.
  Не стоит громко называть меня поэтом
  Пожалуй, это будет чересчур.
  Достаточно скромней приветом -
  Владыка рифм, богиня поэтических фигур!
  
  Dmitriy: And now, on this stage, there gonna appear the author of such collections of poems as `Love per mille` and `The faceted glass rhymes`.
  Meet a poetess from St. Petersburg, Madame Pauline.
  Pauline:
  I drank birch juice last night,
  You can't imagine how t`was delicious
  Alas! As always I got drunk!
  They don`t serve hot dogs, even vicious!
  Я сок березовый вчера пила
  Вы представляете, как это вкусно
  Но что поделать, ведь в лесу
  Нет совершенно никакой закуски.
  
  Dmitriy: Bravo! Pauline, ma cherie, you are in high spirits as I can see, you must have picked up a new cavalier, I wonder what's his name?
  Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, Remy Martin?
  Pauline: If only, Miten`ka, I'm celebrating the anniversary of my poetic activities.
  Dmitriy: Who could have believed that? So for how many years have you been a sheet in the wind ... sorry, have been taking a sip of sweet*
  of the Muses? Five years, a decade, 15? Two decades, really?
  Pauline: Mitya, it's improper for men to ask a lady to answer such things!
  Dmitriy: Well, Paulinochka, I have to congratulate you on the 20th anniversary of your creative activities!
  Pauline: More than 20.
  Dmitriy: Ah, never mind! Better tell me if there is a recital, stand-up party, etc.
  Pauline: Yep! You are all welcome, 16 p.m., to the Music Hall as it is to be there where you will be able to listen to my five works of art in the
  bar during an interval of the Jubilee Concert of Dmitry Khvorostovsky.
  Dmitriy: Work of arts? This word in your mouth makes me feel funny indeed!
  Pauline: May I make you feel funny a little bit right now?
  Dmitriy: Go on!
  Pauline: A poem from a cycle `The moth-eaten lyrics`.
  
  If not my dear mommy's gaiters
  I would have hardly missed my friends,
  I would have gone to mоvie theatres
  And even practised roller skate.
  If not my dear mommy's gaiters
  That I neglected to put on
  Paul, the Boy Scout helmsman,
  Would've hardly had me right on board.
  If not my dear mommy's gaiters
  A cruel maniac in the yard
  (The yard of ours, not neighbour`s)
  Would've hardly found me and fucked.
  If not my dear mommy's gaiters,
  If not my mommy's strict mandate,** (var: stringent (weighty) rant),
  I wouldn't have six years later
  Achieved my orgasm, it's a fact!
  
  Когда б не мамины гамаши,
  То не сидела б я в тоске,
  В кино бы сходила или даже
   Могла б кататься на доске.
  Когда бы не мамины гамаши,
  Что позабыла я надеть,
  То пионервожатый Паша
  Мог мною и не овладеть.
  Когда б не мамины гамаши,
  То злой насильник во дворе,
  Да не в чужом, а прямо в нашем,
  Атаковал меня извне.
  Когда б не мамины гамаши,
  Когда б не маменькин наказ,
  То лет на шесть, наверно, раньше,
  Я испытала бы оргазм.
  
  Dmitriy: Well, Paulinochka, I've just listened to you. Why do you pay attention to a nightmare you've dreamt, well, why to write it down and rhyme
  it, huh? You shoulda relaxed your brain; I mean not only your own brain, but mainly brains of our spectators!
  Pauline: I'll not buy that one!
  Dmitriy: What do you mean?
  Pauline: You won't sucсeed in upsetting me!
  Dmitriy: To upset you can only the price of a bottle of cognac at a trade exhibition! Besides it's you who celebrate the 20th anniversary, not me ...
  So be free to continue....
  Pauline THE PAR - TING!!!
  
  THE PARTING
  I've set my mink coat free in the woods:
  `Sling your hook, cut your lucky, be happy!`
  So what? It's being fucked, and the dude,
  The badger, has advantaged of it as an expert.
  O Lord! What the heck is he doing with it?
  Sex maniac, black and white, so much furry!
  It`s pecking it after he'd groomed it and sniffed
  Impatiently, blatantly, sorely.
  I see my mink coat being pleased, it wants more,
  It's lying as a woman in love, very stupid!
  The badger is snogging and having it all,
  Being impudent, horny and gloomy!
  It's come! Peace and quiet! The male satisfied!
  It's now faraway deep in forest.
  And feeling being used, maybe, raped or tried out,
  My mink coat is lying and sobbing.
  Don't cry, my mink coat! Though fur of yours rumpled
  On the score of the terrible fucking,
  You'll give birth to several mink coats of small size,
  And you and I will be much moneyed!
  
  РАССТАВАНИЕ
  Я шубу норковую выпустила в лес,
  Убегай от меня, ты свободна!
  Вдруг вижу - на шубу мою кто-то влез,
  Смотрю - барсук на ней скачет проворно!
  Боже мой, что он с ней вытворял, -
  Маньяк черно-белый пушистый!
  Всюду нюхал ее, ковырял
  Так нагло, так жадно, так быстро!..
  А шубе смотрю это нравится все...
  Лежит как влюбленная дура!
  Барсук как шалаву таскает ее
  Так нагло, так жадно, так хмуро!
  Все! Стихло! Доволен барсучий мужлан
  Ушел в свою темную чащу
  Ненужная, брошенная словно хлам
  Лежит моя шуба и плачет!...
  Не плачь моя шуба! Пусть ворс твой помят
  Но после такого разврата, -
  Родишь ты мне маленьких шубанят,
  И мы с тобой будем богаты!
  
  Dmitriy: Bravo, Pauline! What I appreciate best of all is your customary setting forth the practical aims! Thank you very much! It was Madame Pauline!
  THE END
  
  * sweet wine, nectar, ambrosia
  ** taking into account that `mandate` ['mændeɪt] has got the first stressed syllable, I could offer as the smoother variant: `stringent rant` or `weighty rant`.
  
  See also the same author`s poems:
  http://zhurnal.lib.ru/p/prjahin_a_a/moscowdiptych.shtml
  http://zhurnal.lib.ru/p/prjahin_a_a/titsanicshipwreckag.shtml
  http://zhurnal.lib.ru/p/prjahin_a_a/fragrantarses.shtml
  http://zhurnal.lib.ru/p/prjahin_a_a/sibepigrams.shtml
  
  
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